Silver bayonet game 3 the fallen Madonna stayed over night at the hotel California

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Evening, you lovely lot. It’s your favourite chaos-pasha back with Silver Bayonet Game 3. Tonight we’re at a creepy coaching inn somewhere in gothic Egypt. We’ve been tracking a courier carrying the statue of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies. Yes, that’s the actual mission objective. The French are never far away… and apparently some former guests at the inn have other ideas.

Yes, that really is what the scenario called it. I’m not making this up. The courier was carrying cultural heritage… with extra cultural heritage.

Here are our fine stout native chappies, ready to politely ask the French to kindly leave Egypt and stop scaring the locals. Amir el-Sayed, Karim Al-Ghul the Priest of the Old Gods, Fasil ibn Rashid, Yusuf al-Barid our Officer, Hassan al-Muhtadi, Malik el-Fatih, Jamal Al-Sahra, and the ever-reliable Tariq ibn Zayd. Liraina has been hard at work on picture enhancement and special effects — she’s the newest member of the team and already doing a cracking job.


Some of the guys we in danger of premature musket discharge so they got sent to bathe in the river.

Prologue: We’re tracking the courier with the statue when we arrive at this coaching inn. Those fiendish French are never far away. However, some former guests might have other ideas… and by ‘former guests’ I mean Revenants. Hungry ones.

the Revenants clearly never bothered to read the sign "All dead must be underground by 10pm"


Mission kicks off and the Revenants are immediately attracted by the sights, sounds, and smell of warm bodies. They begin their lumbering advance towards us brave heroes. Baaaah! Talk about bad timing.


The French, being faster and keener on sword range, start drawing even more Revenants like moths to a very dead flame. Their desire to get stuck in is admirable… and also very stupid.


The French decide the best plan is to gang up on the Revenants on their side of the board. It gets very up-close and personal — knives, sharp sticks, the works. Proper bar-room brawl with undead.

“Nothing says ‘Napoleonic Gothic Horror’ like a good old-fashioned undead knife fight.”


Heh heh heh… Private Bleck gets up close and personal with a Revenant. Or is that the Hospitaller who just got eaten and is now looking rather hungry? In my day we didn’t need to worry about friendly fire — the dead stayed dead! These young soldiers… soft as fresh graves.


Concentrated musket fire and some desperate prayers from Karim finally bring down another Revenant. Brains, glorious brains! ‘He is so close, Emir — I see the whites of his eyes!’ ‘That’s the back of his eye sockets!’ Open fire, all weapons!


Crikey, that one was getting a bit close! You can almost smell the decay through the screen.

We downed one Revenant, just in time for Alan's searching to reveal another one and yes, it arrived behind me.

Drat! Drat! Double Drat!! Another one of those foul creatures is behind us! Tariq! Yusuf! We are leaving! In my day we didn’t run from Revenants — we ran towards them with proper bayonets! These modern chappies and their ‘tactical withdrawals’… pah.


The Egyptians arrive at the village just in time to see the French forces carrying off the golden statue. With a mocking salute and a cheerful ‘Adieu mon amis!’ the infidels make off with our prize. Curses!

Why is always that the good guys do all the hard work and the bad guy get the girl? Alan's French Officer could hotwire the Hypergamy on a statue, "Impressive, Most Impressive."


Epilogue: With the French in possession of the holy icon and nothing good left to find, we pulled back into the safety of the orchard. This time everybody came out unscathed. We gathered around the campfire and shared out the meagre ration of experience points like a can of soup… ‘Shoup! I like Shoup

So, there you have it — Silver Bayonet Game 3. We lost the statue with the big boobies, but at least nobody died. Progress! Next time we’ll be better prepared… or at least better at shooting Revenants before they get behind us.

If you’re enjoying the campaign, smash that like button, subscribe, and check the video battle report on Daemonclaw TV on YouTube.

Until then… stay away from dodgy coaching inns, keep your bayonets sharp, and remember — if you hear moaning in the dark, it might not be the 3am pillow-soakers crowd.

Tally ho, Baaaah!, and see you on the table!”

At least this time my wizard didn’t die to a boar. Small mercies.


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